Friday, May 1, 2015

its been a hear and a half since my last post, time flies.

i figured im out of the well described two or three posts before...

before me is a field across the horizon with no end.

the field is plain green, until i focus; there are purple and yellow wild flowers, peering from among the grass.

i am free, and with that is responsibility.

i am free, and i can choose whichever pleases me, but with that is responsibility.

and i am free to take any paths as long as i remain accomplished whatever the consequences would be.

i live life with self-respect,because i am free.

i can choose to be me or to improve, but they dont matter because i am free.

and i am free, because i love myself, just as me.

jana 9:50 PM

Thursday, September 19, 2013

i havent watered my plant for three days

and its still alive. 

thats how humans are, 

we can survive many days, months and years on dried soil. 

we always survive. 

and i wonder, 

is this really an advantage or a sad trait in us?

jana 11:37 PM

Monday, September 16, 2013

Over the weekend, I was painfully humiliated by a close one for a sketch I did.

Yet I still feel proud of what I see on my sketch, and would gladly try again.

And then I realized that the humility in willingn to try again probably stems from knowing this is not my strength zone, and wanting to learn out of pure interest.

This realization made the weekend fruitful.

I am proud of every one of my sketches.
I am proud of even the ones that do not have form or tones.
I am proud of those that are beautiful and reflect that still life.
I am proud of the focused-ness and effort of every little line and shade.
I am proud of who I am when I draw; the beauty I see in that moment and recreating that beauty.
I am proud of me, Jana.







jana 3:38 PM

Sunday, August 11, 2013

at the end of the day, this is what I conclude

i think ive decided, and will give my best to remember what I speak to myself
when the need arises

i choose,

Freedom 

to Be Me 

&

to Love Myself






jana 10:59 PM

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Unknowingly, a year has gone by

Amazingly, I've done what I never imagined I can

I'm thankful, that now I see the goodness of God. His devotion to me, His loving hands, gracious thoughts and plans, His always forgiving heart

Its by far the happiest season of my life. I'm employed, earning my own keep, able to bless. I'm attached, I'm loved and given the space to love, I have the capacity to maintain friendships..

Its amazing how my life has been progressing upward, the sky seems nearer, the light seems brighter, I'm closer to the tip of this well. What will I find there?

Beneath me is the darkness I've been elevated from. I look down and it seems endless, I wonder where the ground was.. Is it that I've been elevated too far up, or I've never really had land beneath my feet? I gaze up; I'm just glad I'm saddled in strong ropes.. I look forward to seeing the man who's been drawing me higher with time. Yes, that's what I'll find there, the man who saddles and lifts me higher everyday..

I smile towards the sky with the sun in my eyes.

Because I know it gets better. The aches now will also turn to joy, just as I've experienced looking back in time. Bitter waters have turned to a spring.. In fact a flower has grown in this spring! My love, my darling.. Maybe I shud show u this post :)

Even w the man drawing me up.. With every inch higher, a flower blossoms. Petals of trust, goodness, tender love and peace unfolds.. Its beautiful, aromatic, inspiring, nurturing, therapeutic.

If life is likened to a web and I grow six additional legs.. I'm thankful for the pretty leaves and flowers that support the life I spin. I'm thankful for my spinning partner who stretches and grows this net larger. I see more forests, I touch more plants, I find new species of greenery, I'm travelling to where the air is fresher and the dew sweeter. I'm thankful you are here on this web with me. Spinning partner, you make this once unbearable cycle so enjoyable and colorful. Now I like to spin this web and stay in the wind, together with you :)

Times are gone, time is redeemed, time is reaching to me

I love my web.. If it's torn by the breeze, I fall on greener grass than the forest I came from. I'm spinning my web towards fresher ground.. Partner, will u come with me?

:)

jana 1:28 AM