Friday, March 24, 2006
and everything today was just bad. all the things that mattered to me have been taken away. but the worst is there was really no anger towards anyone, not like how i would have reacted months ago. i just feel defeated. i dont wanna try again whether or not it was my first try or millionth try. just when new start and worth started to fill my life everything just has to fall. i guess wad is yours is yours and wad issint will never be. im just not good enough to fulfill those things that really matter to me. im learning to accept and face these with less disappointment but the more i try to, the more i am aware of the bitterness that accumulates from everything else that doesnt fit into place. i know i need to release and forgive myself, because even the lord is not here to count my wrong-doings and he is all-forgiving, so wad right do i have to hurt myself over and over again because i cannot forget the defeats and keep looking back?
i think i've begun to see my own reflection in people and i guess wad i never understood about the implications and wad people say are starting to make sense.maybe transparency in the government (SS chap 5 point 3.5) is really important to sustain commitment amongst the commitee cause now i know how it is to feel uninformed, especially with my kind of character, having to know every single detail and untrusting of others work. aiyo i think i am the worse kind of leader to be under cause i'll keep my eyes glued onto your progress and i will end up wanting to do everything myself cause i just feel insecure when its not done by me. haiyy. pity those under me.
superstar rehearsals was screwed there was so much i knew had to be planned and done beforehand but i just let down my guard and trusted they would be done. maybe as i spot big flaws in others, people are also spotting big flaws in my house. i guess it really helps when u have 2 comms so theres much room for reflection. okay im gonna be more sensitive to things i tend to leave out and those i zoom into but forget to look first before i 'chiong'. even if sports day is only 6 days away it is a good start :)
exhausted man. reached home 8 plus from superstar dry run, then banner painting that hurt my foot even more, then rush to bukit timah to make trophies before they close shop and staying there for more than an hour bargaining, until the aunty quoted a good price. and guess wad, im getting 12 trophies for $130! lalalalala.
currently looking for
fly-ers for green house cheer. underweight people, please join!