Friday, April 7, 2006
sometimes when things are going well and everything is great, i cant help but wonder when the next misfortune is gonna come, when all the happiness is gonna end. there's never been once that my happiness lasts for more than 2 months, somehow it seems i just dont deserve anything good.
maybe im not suited to own wad i have. it is just a name, nothing much. i keep wondering wad have i done wrong, or wad did i not do? im not gonna change myself just to feel like i own and deserve wad i have. maybe i really just dont deserve it. im not like the rest who naturally fit in their roles. everything is over and the glory i worked so hard for for 4 years never lit up. even at my best people think i havent done anything. im just not who they want.
i know im changing, no more the optimistic and self-confidant person i used to be. i hide behind the mask of laziness but i just dont feel like doing anything anymore. all passion's gone and i dont see wad im working for. dont talk to me about my future and my goals. nothing's ever gonna be good enough for anyone and i dont care wad im gonna turn out as. maybe finally, i'll look like wad i really am, a failure.