am i being paranoid or is it really this way? wad if its not, am i then the horrible one, am i then the hypocrite? means im the cunning one? the one i hate so much, the people i condemn. but then who in this world is not this way? even the nicest people i know are like that. then i've to hate the world even myself? yes i do, but how do some christians love the world? its created by God but other than that?wad has it turned into? friends betraying friends, children turning away from their parents, nations against nations, the world against itself. wad is so wonderful about all this? i dont see any inch of beauty in human nature. why have feelngs? it'll just cause hatred and pain. how much can love make up for? perhaps everything for some people who havent felt pain worse than love but no matter wad the scar still remains. even time cannot make up for wounds too deep. i know i should not say this, but the thought of being judged some more after death, the thought of facing more people, the thought of having to fulfill your responsibilties even after u die is just horrid. because how many can go to heaven? 144 000 from revelations. or maybe i mis-interpreted. but even without that, how many will have more good than evil. how many would repent for hatred thats too deep. how many are baptised already?
