why does everything go wrong at the same time. first losing passion for everything. a person im not supposed to fall for. grandma falling sick. immature parents who act like kids. maybe salvation should come now.

it just made me feel a whole lot better talking to vic on the phone yesterday. meeting shilong. seeing shawn. even just seeing pat, reminiscing old times. they just made my world seem normal again. like everything just fits u know. somehow seeing wyncy everyday actually reminds me of work which leads to him. but it feels great to have her anyway, at least everything feels familiar. i so appreciate the effort from all of u. victoria for crying for me, shilong for taking time to accompany me, shawn for just being there doing retarded dirty stuff, pat for remembering and being there, wyncy for being angry for me. never said such disgusting stuff, but u all are like angels. haha. why am i becoming so disgusting. sigh. why must the world work this way. well at least starbucks doesnt go away. memories dont go away. im so scared of loved ones going away, but one day u are gonna find your grandma gone, parents gone, siblings gone, frens gone, even your partner gone. one day u will cry and wish u could talk to them or even just see them again. then slowly the pain fades away, loneliness starts eating at your heart. then one fine day, this world, this place, this home will be gone, you yourself will be gone. to where? will you see them again? will u tear for joy or sob at the emptiness of an eternity u reached. things will never be the same, you have no more other world, other chance. what if u are in hell, the rest are in heaven.wad if u are in heaven watching their pain watching the joy in their eyes at meeting u once again but also sorrow and pain for u see fire engulfing them, u see their sins torturing them. is the Lord going to take away all these emotions, or leave u for a final test? or maybe there's nothing after u die. u just simply disappear.

jana 12:41 AM