Monday, March 26, 2007
staring at the couple in the park, i realised i never had the chance. what if i had agreed? maybe the pain would be doubled. 3 hours marks the difference between waiting and breaking off. if you can decide in 3 hours, maybe you werent that serious in the first place? but i guess it doesnt matter now. despite knowing deep inside there would be no future, thoughts of u and me still flashes and lingers on. and then it dawns like a dim ray of light that it will never happen. i wouldnt even be talking to u. we will be strangers.
its funny how another person could occupy every inch of your thoughts no matter how interesting the conversations are, how lame the jokes, how cold the air con, how aromatic the coffee. once in a while, u lose your facade and a faraway look slips back on. sometimes u aren't even thinking, u just look, basically at nothing. i think you just feel. a sense of loss perhaps? or would i call it generally exhaustion. exhausted emotionally and physically from thinking, maybe. i cant help but wonder how it would be like if i forced myself to stay as a friend. will i be happier? at least i would be there for you. but u dont need me. u say u cant forget me, but u are perfectly fine without me.
perhaps relationships aren't that great after all. nothing lasts forever, every start of a relationship just brings two people closer to the end.
i so feel like telling you how much i like you, how much u mean to me, how much i wanna be here for you, how happy i feel whenever theres a message from u, how i need your msges to keep me going in school, how much i look forward to seeing you at the griller, hearing your singing, how much i hope to hold your hand, how much i think i like you, how much i hoped she didnt exist. and then again i realised there might be no ending either way. we are just different in too many ways. i guess we have reached the end? i just pray that someday we will be able to look into each other's eyes, look back at this and smile. that one day u will no longer be a scar but a memory that i will hold on to, in love and acceptance.
chi teh