Monday, April 2, 2007
I don’t know wad to believe. I want to, but I just cant. I think i’ve totally lost trust in him. Maybe he is really too ambitious a guy to be tied down, but the fact is he is already tied down to her. Living together means something you know. Today when Ye’s gf and his mother visited, it just suddenly struck me that that’s the closeness AK and his gf and him and his gf share. It was Thursday that I finally saw him. And he just seemed so different all of a sudden. Like he’s not the guy I knew before. It’s a feeling. Its just weird. And it was awkward. I had to pick up a phone call so I went to the kitchen. He was there and my first instinct was to turn away. At the greeter stand, I couldn’t help but kept looking into the kitchen whenever I had a chance. The only time that we actually faced each other was when he needed a takeaway ramekin. He dint know it was me running, so he just looked out and asked for 3. Well I guess both of us masked any sort of emotions really well. But I cant forget the moment. There was this feeling in my heart, I don’t know wad, and I don’t know how to describe either. And no, it definitely dint skip a beat nor start racing. The more I cant erase the moment I glanced upon his ring. He was wearing it under his gloves. It just looked so “attached” to him, like tightly snuck under working gloves, it goes everywhere he goes, shes everywhere he is. I had to force myself to continuing smiling at guests who insist they wanna take their orders now but start deciding all over again when im there. People, just freaking get a fish and chips la. Who cares, they are all fish so just take that.
4 and ¾ days to seeing him again. Its always Thursdays.
’grim’ is the perfect word of the day. U see how God makes plans for people and we have to accept it. Its a chore because we don’t love him enough. I really, truly believe that every single thing in life happens for a reason. Im in CJC for a reason, im in T06 for a reason. He plans the route for us and we are not entitled to loving or hating his decisions. Wyncy, you really made me think so hard today. It was a first timer that I dint know wad to say. Because what I wanted to say just sounded plain wrong and insincere. But really, that’s the only answer I got even after squeezing my brains for 4 hours. But theres still chance on Monday, dont worry. I bet my last dollar theres hundreds more of people out there who did the same thing. Chere is one of them. I know u are disappointed in yourself too, but hey look on the bright side. U learned something. Even if u appeal, they’ll most probably take you in before the rest.
school is really horrid. But I guess ms lo has been sent to light my path. Too lazy to type. And anyway, I haven’t started reading any notes at all. Im ready to fail promos. And about leadership,…wadeva. And I was missing him as usual, especially when AK is there and just totally reminds me of him –at home. But wyncy you are still the horrible-est. if I get a complain letter from “mrs matthews” looking like the world just died, its YOUR fault. But stupid woman, cheer up kay? Theres a plan for everything.
”do not let your hearts be burdened, trust in god, trust also in me”- John.
anything, im 8 numbers away. Cliché; yes I know. This is so narrative, I cant take it anymore. Bye.
I wont trust you anymore.