Wednesday, May 9, 2007

"Life has been depressing. As much as I try to push or to encourage others, it's funny how these words doesn't have the same ring on me. There's no shred of certainty, no sense of company, and no feeling of assurance. It's almost as if it's become a routine, but a rather boring one, y'know? Low self-efficacy/esteem, whatever you want to call it. I'm searching for something, but I don't know what. I get this sinking feeling, however, that it's myself. And it stinks, really, because if you don't know your own value, your own self-worth, then people are gonna decide it for you.

i need a break."

yes, my exact words. life's been feeling hollow. burdened. well, contradicting. much of low self-esteem has been overwhelming. sigh.

its a decision. im not gonna bother wad people think/say/do.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
-psalm 34:18
"Fear not, for I am with you."
-Isaiah 43:5
heres a rather thought- provoking one:
"contend o lord,with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me."
- psalm 35:1
love? "fight"?
doesnt that incorporate resentment=not love?
"love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
-1 corinthians 13:7

projects have been piling up. i havent finished my journal. less of work, less of wyncy, less of lots of familiarity with lots of people. netball has been stressful. it sucks when you know u are the worst compared to national players. i cant even get the rules right. and focusing hasnt been my forte for weeks no matter wad are the tasks on hand.

pride is the fall of man.
how true.

sigh.

jana 9:18 AM