Friday, June 22, 2007
im physically drained,emotionally drained. every morning i wake up feeling half dead, faint, tired. when i get into the shower and freshen up stress starts flooding me. the play, projects, homework, a countdown of days to end of hols, failing my modules, expelled from CHS, a horrible GPA, university entry. everything starts crashing down. friendships lost, disappointments, revelations, family. how the world sucks, what am i doing here. i cant do anything to make anything better. i dont feel god anymore, temptations get stronger with every step closer to him. in the end, i just get thrown back to ground floor. every step up just drains me totally and pushes me back down, i stop trying and give up. i can feel myself falling sick, regular migraines, aching throat, limp body, a mind totally drained. i feel empty and exhausted. i thnk i feel loaded with everything, and its all my own fault. im strengthless even though i wanna start on all the projects. i can forgo sleep and finish everything, but i have no strength. my mind seems blank all the time, my brows are furrowed every second, i feel like crying but theres no shoulder to lean on and i dont want to break down or burden anyone else. i dont know how to surrender to god, i never realisd it was so hard. i just wanna sleep and face no human. if only i could tell all these to yan naung, it might make everything better.