Sunday, June 24, 2007
i dont understand yan naung at all. totally dont. my instincts tell me he likes me more now, but his actions are the opposite. rochelle thinks he still likes me from the way he smiled at me during spring cleaning. why would he bother to take leave on the days im working? that must mean something, he never did bother about my schedule in the past, or maybe he did without my realising. or maybe he really had to take leave the days im working, maybe everything is a coincidence? but he doesnt have to emphasise it to me right? like 3 times. however we really look JUST FRIENDS. really. even more friendly than in the past. i dont feel that awkward with him around anymore, somehow it feels like he's the one feeling awkward now, or maybe that also happens to be a 'self-fulfilling prophecy' of mine.
i remember stealing his omelette just yesterday (friday) morning. btw his staff meal sucks. absolutely sucks. yupp as i was saying, i sat down beside him facing outside of the outlet. that fifteen minutes genuinely felt special. or maybe that itself is also a self-fulfilling prophecy'? maybe i just MADE it feel special. and so i stole his omelette, and he wanted to give me all his omelette. but i pushed it away. i'll never forget the scene, it feels something like... a kind of warmth in my heart. i think. then darlie stole his coke, then he was complaining to cyndi in burmese: this one rob my omelette, that one steal my coke, which one u want? choose la choose la. it was damn funny. lol anyway, he had to do filleting. so then he beckoned, "jana". then i went over to the hedge, and he said "i'm doing filleting at the back, if u miss me, u can come to the back and find me". i remember he was wearing his gloves while saying it. so then haha, i gave the "omg, so disgusting i can die look" then i did my expression of all the hair on my arms standing, then i rub my sleeve, rolled my eyes and walked away. applause people! i can take a joke okay. then there was birthday rap, apparently i just screamed, as per normal. and then the whole world started mocking me la wth. walao, he and thiha said i sounded like a strangled duck. and my nickname is currently singapore idol. but i think they are gonna change it soon, cos allan apparently told them i know it when they refer to me in their burmese conversations. assholes. oh and he said "i like your vocals, but physically ar....". dots. asshole. then the next minute he mocks my singing. rarww. im suddenly reminded of during spring cleaning, i was on the ladder cleaning the stupid air vent. then he said from the hedge, looking out and up and me (i was fumbling with the air vent right beside the scutlery), "eh jana, call me when you gonna fall kay? then it'll be hero saving the beast". something like that, i cant remember a beast or wadeva. cos before that, we had a joke going on, that was when i messaged him good luck for exams. i said something like "hero saving a beauty" then he twisted it and said "prince saving the cursed frog" then i said "me saving you from lack of attention". but at that moment, i was preoccupied with staying atop the stupid ladder that i dint get the pun intended. oh i think i didnt mention that he did look quite good looking the moment he sat down opposite me at the chicken rice place. he looked like he puposely cut bangs, but we all know thats not the case. lol but ya, he looked quite boyish when sitting down and not walking, he looks abit like aaron actually. he looks ultra- beng once his legs start moving, cos his arms happen to co-ordinate perfectly well. they swing like a pendulum. literally, haha. yupp and he kept saying i was "whatoma", something like that. it means "a bit plump but cute". something like that, cos i scolded him "what-ma" which means fat pig and he had to retaliate with that pun.
im sorry, just trying to keep some memories of him in words, in case i dont remember his face anymore 2 months later. sorry, but just this post kay.
tuesday and wednesday were good days to me. tuesday i ended at 5, then we all sat around table 11, making fun of one another. oh i think rochelle was doing something with her laptop and yan naung supposed to help. but i wanted to go home, too tired, so i left with bong, somehow, i had the gut feeling he was abit hmm... jealousdisturbed. cos he wanted to leave with bong or something. i dont know, but i felt it, or maybe that was yet another self-fulfilling prophecy. but wednesday, i kept feeling his eyes on me. as in like, i suddenly turn, i'll see his posture straighten up from the hedge. or his glance shifting away. i dont know. this feeling was super strong monday to thurday.(omg sounds so horoscope- ish) but friday, he mocked me so much, i dont know wad he felt. am i thinking too much about the schedule? dont know.
everywhere i go, i imagine like, if only he was the one beside me. on thursday when i, oh talking about thursday, i remember him asking me on tuesday, if i was working tonight, i said no. he replied "good". i asked why, he never answer, or maybe he dint hear, then cyndi had to come to interrupt. but i have the feeling he dint want me to tire myself out, cos tuesday, i seriously looked half dead, really really shag. shaggest in my whole life, and i also did mention to him i havent slept well since a long time. well but even a friend would harbour such kind intentions. okay back to thursday, we went to watch the play "dollhouse", poly-mates and i, at the national library. he often goes there to study, well he did, for projects i think. so the whole time i was there, i kept looking around for him. then at the play, i imagined he was the one sitting beside me watching and thinking with me, not huiwen. friday at the movies with wyncy and bong, i imagined the one beside me was him, not bong. probably he would appeciate the dry humour along with me, instead of those 2 humans who almost entered dreamland. at vines restaurant for mum's birthday just now, i imagined him as the one having steak with me, commenting that fish&co hot fudge tastes better than the dessert there. at the pub, i imagined him too, but this time, him and his girlfren, in his arms, flashed. everytime i am out, i aim to reach novena station about 11.10 pm, hoping to bump into the BOH people. if i dont, which i always dont, i check if the lights are still on in the outlet, then loiter around till 11.30. if they still dont appear then i'll finally leave. i always end up going to Han's and buying icing roll, without seeing them. u know people, i've come to terms that this kind of fate thing never works out, it doesnt, never ever will increase chances of seeing him, it only increases your fat percentage. friday i bumped into summer instead and i ended up consuming sinful icing roll plus cheese cake. oh did i mention that cheese cake from Han's suck? hell,they sure do k. ooh talking about "suck", i remember erm, thursday, i think, when i said to him "eh you suck la", then he went "oh ya i do. but usually before i suck, i ...." i knew he was gonna end off with "i lick", so then i just said "okay shuddup", spun around and left. lol. then i heard thiha and him laughing as the kitchen door closed. oh talking about kitchen door, friday afternoon, i volunteered to cut veggies cos i wanted to see him filleting. but i didnt get to la, cos i was cutting beside allan doing bulk prep and he was behind. so anyway, i was singing and hummming and shouting, i think. i dont know why, but when im in the kitchen, it comes naturally to sing, perhaps due to the heat. i think i was very noisy. i dont know! maybe i was? cos now i recall, thiha was quiet, i think i was noisy. but its all allan's fault, he made me shout at him, and naturally, my voice is already sharp and agitated.. oh man. nvm, who cares.
okay, no more memories of him for now. this will come in handy 2 months later =)
i have yet to complete any homework, and im working 10-3, 6-10 tmr. sigh. seems like i'll never be able to shrug off such a lifestyle. if i havent counted wrongly, its been this way since sec 1, when basketball downstairs and macs took up all my time. sec 2 was house and cca, and it only aggravated up to sec4. now, its fish and co. which reminds me, im dead looking at my cca now. i intend to quit both netball and canoeing, no passion at all. actually i really wouldnt mind bball, just that i suck too much at it, and i wouldnt call it "passion" either, just a convenient and familiar sport. my hobby now is to earn money, how does that sound? lol. speaking of which, i remember a career i dreamed of late last year, early this year. i wanna open a coffe place, probably called "coffee, life". well, i would need some more help for the name, but anyway, it is supposed to be a coffee place. cosy, homely, sort of 与世隔绝 yet inspiring. away from bustling city life, there'll be an alfresco area of pavillions, with shelters and cosy armchairs and oriental fans overhead. i would probably find a land with open surroundings, so that theres wind, like united square starbucks, and a few miniature ponds and fountains. there'll be bookshelves to act as partitions between pavillions, with christian books, inspiring books, books on love and a true life, books that bring peace and take away the clouds of darkness that city life instills in us. actually all ice books can be put there, an all can be rented too. so basically, thats the alfresco part of my coffee place, i havent decided if i wanna put music in the alfresco yet. however the inside part would have soft, acoustic music. hymns, or just some solo piano or guitar music will create a peaceful ambience. actually pat and i ever thought of using the students from her future music school as attatchment students at my coffee place. so there will be life singing at certain times, but only soft music that bring smiles and not dancing. well anyway, there'll be bookshelves acting as partitions between tables but also a more open area for people to socialise if they want. soft comfy armchairs, tables with a soft colour, beige, brown, cream coloured? with words that spell bliss. coffee better than starbucks, and probably dishes like ice cream with truffles, some salads, sanwiches, cheesecakes. this coffee place will be enveloped with the aroma of coffee, a slight a tinge of caramel. soft music, a place for people to enjoy coffee and pastry, to just chill out and find some quiet time and place- for healing, for reflections, for reminisce. or a place for couples or friends to come together and just chill out, catching up. can get the feeling of it? yes, should be something like wad u are feeling, i guess. u cant be that dumb, right? lol anyway, thats just a dream career, while im out on occassional missonary trips, and that is my source of income for me and my family. u know, maybe people can come here for bible study, just sharing with one another the verses that he spoken through to them. i was even thinking of having statues of mother mary, jesus at the ponds and among bed of flowers. but perhaps thata a little too extreme huh? then it'll seem solely for christians only, but its not meant to be. its for everyone to find a quiet place to find peace. and then again, why should i be taking OCCASSIONAL missionary trips. issint that selfish, like the article i posted a few weeks ago? why leave the people when u've just started to be part of them. so im just being a missionary to adhere to my conscience and not because i love them? and also, we must let go of everything when we want to serve god and follow jesus. so why the plan of this coffee place for revenue? oh i know. i use the money for charity or for my church. cos i really want this coffee place for people who cant find a place to slow down and find themselves. however, all these are still rather far from the present. the present = poly = school = projects = deadlines = all that are drawing near = i havent started nor finished yet = recollection of poor attendance, poor condut, late homework = dismissal from CHS = school-less = disappointment for family = end of my life. oh maybe then i'll be a fulltime missionary or a sister. okay just dry humour here, no offense, lord.
this is a horribly random post i know. couldnt help it, hahaha. sorry, but i've decided to use this blog as my place to pen down thoughts and feelings. im keeping this blog till adulthood, maybe even after that. hey u know, i could share this blog with my children, thats wad a mother can touch her children with most. aiyo, so random yet again, still damn far right. hahhaa. okay bye bye.