after the conversation with rebecca i suddenly sank into emo mode. like relationships and friendships. how u know that only friendships are everlasting but yet choose relationships over them. a statement she said really struck me:
"the purpose of life is to find a partner to marry, have kids, continue life."
"huh?"
"if not how do u continue life, we would be extinct by now"
i never thought of it that way, but yes. to be married, produce offsprings, thats sacraments of catholicism right. and yea, if we do not reproduce, wouldnt humans be extinct by now. sure makes sense, i guess it just never struck me.
this brought us to lament "when's our right guy gonna appear?".
friendships are enough to sustain your emotional needs, but sometimes u just yearn to have that special someone. maybe cos u wanna feel special, u wanna actually be special to somebody in this world, other than your mother father brother sister. however ecclesiates chapter 3 says theres a time and season for everything. if its meant to be, god will bring you the guy, no worries.
btw have i mentioned that i really dont mind finding a guy and remain with him my whole life? i really dont mind, saves time and energy, heartbreaks or breaking hearts. all the talk on experience and stuff just dont go for me.
its his last day at work tmr. when he told me last sunday that he's found a job and he's not gonna work at fish and co anymore, i think i teared. a little. until the point he said, maybe only sunday. but i think he cant anymore, private student, oh acually he isnt, he's officially working, plus the fact theres no point in him staying right. that night i was sad, it carried on till wednesday i think, and somehow just faded off totally. the prospect of seeing him for the last time tmr, perhaps not seeing him ever again doesnt really affect me now. but its hard to say, cos i have delayed reactions. but i know my feelings for him will fade someday. unlike how i thought i would never stop liking huajia, mind you, 3 years, which dint come true, im quite sure i will stop liking him one day. maybe cos i know he's not the one, god will find me the one? perhaps la. about huajia, revelation right? haha nvm its only the few of u reading this and its over. but please,
zip okay? lol. btw compared to yan naung, i think that was admiration. VERY STRONG admiration. somehow it feels different, or maybe we never got to talk, so it feels different from now? speaking of which, rebecca makes a point. how come i can like him without seeing him, without talking to him, without going out with him, without actually contact or communication? beats me. see thats why i say i really dont get why i like him. aiyo really doesnt make sense, i still cant get it till now la. it is so unfathomable that i start thinking maybe god MADE me like him, cos i cant possibly like somebody like him. while that is possible, people appear in your life for a reason. actually i kind of have one in my head about knowing him, but its still a little far fetched and i havent really prayed for understanding. but wadeva the case, let god decide his existence in my future la. stupid asshole. haha.
i think im a horrible person when it comes to patience. i say something once,twice, thrice, im sick of saying it again. actually to be honest, i dont know why i felt so much disdain today either. was it just my mood, or underlying tension or accumulated tension. or maybe its just the fact i dont feel significant enough. i always have that problem. and once i cool off from someone, i take ages to warm up once again, especially when im not exactly feeling very glad. however that doesnt change your significance.
did i mention sunsilk'd hair softening conditioner causes split ends for me? its really very horrible. everyother hair i examine has a split end la wa lao eh.
i need to see victoria's face and he blonde hair. her honey-like voice is insufficient. lol
i think coffee and catching up was great today. i love long 4 hour talks and i need one with alot of people. like u-know-who, you-know-who, and you-know-who, and preferably the jerk. which is kind of a very creative thought, challenges the impossibility. u know patricia lim angie u seem to have ceased to exist on this earth, she doesnt even wanna borrow my laptop. stupid woman. all u think about is he-who-must-not-be-named. u know the name the one that starts with a C, ends with an S and is sandwiched between Hawaii and India. u know that one that one. aiya you-know-who.
my mother just found out that my brother smokes, she found it under his pillow. aiyo, brainless la, of all places he hid it there. so dumb that even the floor is less dumb than him. i dint know, but im not surprised, i mean seriously, does it alarm you to see secondary students smoking nowadays? i just hope he stops at smoking and drinking. as long as no gang, i am okay with it. actually dont drink is better, causes violence and all the other dangers that come with getting drunk. sometimes i still dont get why people are okay with spending money to harm their bodies. i would rather use the money to shop and destress or burn the money. u know u actually get satisfaction in burning things, especially money. just dont burn your house.
which reminds me, mr jerk ever lied to me and said he doesnt drink, doesnt smoke. aiyo, wads new man.
i think currently wads most important is the stress from assignments and projects and the fact im not doing anything to lighten it. i really need to start working for a good GPA. ironically, yan naung is my inspiraton. i just cant stand the fact he is highly educated. i need to be as well. hahaha.
oh man, i really am distressed by the fact i have decided to quit netball and canoe, and he fact i dont know wad other cca to join that can make me perpire, and the fact that joining now, out of nowhere, when everyone has settled in with the team, and that im thinking of song-composing club and christian fellwship that dont make me perspire, and the bladdy need for a bladdy cca for bladdy good cert, to bladdy get into uni.
HAIY. they said sighing shortens your parents life.
im so afraid blogger might shut down one day, i need to think of a way to retain my entries. typical kiasu singaporean. im gonna bathe, that takes an hour, i got work at 12, which means i've to wake up at 10.30 if i want staff meal, which means i'll be snoring at 4.45, cos its 3.45 now, and waking up at 10.30, which equates to 5 hours and 45 minutes of sleep. shit. since when was weekends the time for catching up with dreamland.
sucks. and its my own fault.
