Close says:
but i think it really comes from feeling v. sick and tired of everything. and when that happens, u feel so demoralised, and when u feel demoralised, u jus can't get thing done the way u want it to turn out
Close says:
and that's made it even more exasperating. u feel more sick and tired than ever, u jus feeling like running and throwing everything aside
Close says:
u simply just want to hide from everything. and then u start feeling inferior and yeah, all the other feelings starts pouring in
jiabao has spoken my exact words. so now i actually understand how im feeling, thanks to her feeling this way too. "down, tired, unmotivated"
sigh
dont know why, but i always feel better talking to her, and its not like we actually keep in contact. i think she's the closest to a sister out of all the friends i have. its not that we are close, but she just has a place in my heart, like i actually do look up to her, for i dunno wad reason? i remember she was a demanding leader, but good none-the-less. i remember imagining wad she would do at times, when in the course of leadership, i feel lost. the time when we ate deer meat at her house is still etched in my brain, i dont know why either.
sigh.
before i forget, kelly is god-sent, not like she'll be reading this but yea. im just reminding myself of god's presence. and victoria, hmm. im glad u are so dumb that u are stuck in my life, cos you are so dumb u cant get out, and im so smart i can control you.
sigh.
we could live in the same block.
haiy.
okay maybe a random post will help.
hmm im going for product knowledge lesson on sunday. today zayar hurt my feelings , duno if he was joking but wadeva. he seldom shouts at me, i realised he only does it to me when lina's around. maybe? but doesnt really matter. all my assignment deadlines is next friday. everyone calls me what-toh-ma. i wont be seeing yan naung on sunday cos of the lesson. i need to go for bible study tmr at 9 am in school, i want to go but i know i need sleep. that means waking up at 7 u know, but i dont wanna break my promise. erm not like it was a promise either. after that i have ISS retreat at st peters and paul with solange. i dont know wad to wear, cos i got work after that. sunday im meeeting patricia after lesson, i think, hope. not sure, but i think its confirmed. im becoming slower at work cos my brain is always empty. i miss working with zayar as my station B partner, i think i love him as my partner, perfect. well to me la. im currently drinking whiskey with green tea, stolen from my fathers bottle cos the whole world is outside and my grandma is okay with me drinking, cos i pretended that im 18, apparently she cant remember how old her grandchildren are. whiskey is not taking effect. ya duh, its with tea. sigh.what else. oh my aunty and jeron are back. they complained that the air con was spouilt and ya its true, so interesting how un-used things spoil faster, but well its fixed. jeron looks like a drug addict. uncle edward is balding, havent seen him in 7 yeaars, he's looking old, lost his charm. its 1.37am now. i think im drifting from alot of people but with no energy to catch up. i hope rebecca is fine, i didnt get to talk to her, sigh. i think i need to call her soon. burmese songs are nice, actually sounds chinese. i've been wnting to learn piano and guitar and drums. but with no time, no money, most importantly, no real desire or passion or motivation. dont feel like doing anything recently. i just want to go somewhere for a holiday, alone is okay too.see some hills and pastures, unique tribes, breathe some fresh air somewhere high up and close to the clouds, somewhere with nothing called reality. i like the song " i miss you like crazy", so nice. or maybe its called"even more than words can say". translation proj, im gonna translate songs, chinese to eng.maybe i should do one eng to chi. but thats really hard. i need to redo my drama script, not like i exactly finished it. he suggested me doing a monologue instaed, and its really gonna be hard. im gonna do on war, damn hard, but that the only thing i feel like writing about. dont know why but the inspiration came from yan naung, somehow it seems he's always watching such shows, and mariah careys mtv of hero. i think. or i believe. cant remember. and im supposd to watch these 4 films to understand how war affects humans : thin red line, apocalypse now, saving private ryan, and something else. oh deer hunter. darn. i hate war movies. "zui jin" by lee sheng jie is plaing on my windows media player now. somehoe it reminds me of sec4 time. when shawn and i went shaw kfc to study and see meiyan, and sherlya's story touched me. oh i like her favourite song "ni hen ai ta". i think my family is back home, im currently only in my sports bra and jeans. this is bad. shit. i really like "zui jin". haiy.
sigh.
i wanna go somewhere with hills, pastures and streams, with sparse huaman life, tribal people riding past on galloping horses, people who cant speak my language but we pass by each other with a smile. somewhere with fresh air and birds gliding high in the sky. somewhere where all i can see is green pastures and distant hills, clouds and a blue horizon with no end.
