list of things i wanna do:1. travel to somewhere serene. hills, streams, pastures
2. sleep like theres no tomorrow
3. listen to "i'll be there" and not get sick of it
4. listen to "without you" and not get sick of it
list of things i should do1. read chinese books
2. rehearse for mid-autumn fest
3. do something meaningful like charity work
4. pray and read His word daily
5. cherish the people around me
list of things i dont mind doing1. meet up becca for coffee
2. meet up with vic for lunch
3. meet up with pat for a movie
4. meet up with jiabao for a date
5. go cycling with FOH staff
6. going to church everyday
7. meet polymates for lunch
8. go and watch 881 with my family
9. having a good dinner outside with my family
10. meet max, shilong for coffee.
11. play some bball, netball, or goal keeping.
12. listening to music forever.
list of things i dont wanna do1. go for the rehearsal/ mid-autumn fest in school.
2. read chinese books. eng ones are less tiring
im leading a mundane life. but recently i've been seeing God's plan unfolding in my life. well at least i think so. but even if its not, i know He's always here. a recent conversation sparked off this thought-- the 3 things in my life i cant live without:
1. God
2. music
3. love
God for the sense of belonging, security, meaning, value and love. music for being the universal language of the soul, love for the people i love and the ones that love me. this reminds me of sec4 self-awareness camp, which if i havent remembered wrongly, was in march or april. at that point i havent found God, and i remembered i was slowly deleting from my list of the 10 things i cant live without. when it came to the last 3, it was not a difficult decision but rather, a surprising one. i realised that God was in my top 3, and i was completely taken aback cos i never realised i believed in christ, i never realised that He was actually important to me. and i remember ever so clearly how i started feeling that paticular choking feeling and tears started flowing. i think i was touched, and i do remmeber how this accidental expreesion was pretty funny to everyone, especially miss teo. cos there was no explanation, i just said "God" and i started crying. as i was saying to lone lone when she stayed over that night, God remains the sole comforter of my soul, and the only one i can imagine living for. i cant imagine being committed to living for even my mother, albeit genuinely appreciating everything she has done for me through the years and making me her life. i know she has split her life and her whole being into 3. i would say 40% each for my brother and i, 20% for my father. i guess i would live for her if there was a need to, to work hard to provide for her or to strive to make her happy. however for God, if i ever do decide to live my life for him, its like living for a real reason. hmm, i dont know how to explain it. i would be living for something intangible to many people, but yet have such strong faith in the renewal of my soul for this eternity that is spent with my maker and sole comforter. but reaching that state seems utopic, for it would require alot alot of faith and such blessings of faith and love from Christ. perhaps coming to terms with living for him could be compromised by living for the religion. and then maybe through the course of life-giving, you might truly find Him and truly live FOR him, not just LIKE him. well, its supposed to be the other way round though. and i do know the reason for this warped "faith", im not praying and not seeking.
nothing much recently. oh yea, zayar's leaving today. or he probably left already. no matter wad, he remains my favourite partner and im waiting to see the dude again. humourous and genuine if you really know him. cold and harsh if he doeasnt wanna know you.
i hope and want to be life-giving. but sometimes in the midst of carrying everyone else's problems and burdens, it remains empty deep within. sometimes it seems like im just giving and the need for someone else to share everyone else's burden is so strong, i feel like giving up and not caring in the end. cos how often is it that someone who is willing and is suitable comes along to hold your hand, give you support and teach you how to guide others? i guess for me, the key word would always be
suitability. and with my snobbish and utopic ways of thinking, i would never find anyone that i could tell every single thing to, or genuinely unfold my heart to. and so im looking for anyone born on march 13th. when i've found him/her and proven this legend accurate, i would explain. for now, im thankful and i know i will forever be, that the best thing that happened in my life is finding Christ.
Amen. so be it.
