today was a rare ocassion, when i actually reached home before 12. i realised how much family time i've missed out on and suddenly, just lookin at my brother watch tv, seeing my mum walk around felt so warm. i love them, i love god and i really thank my God for all he has given me.
again and again i commit the same faults and step on his grace. again and again i've disappointed so many people. again and again, i feel like giving up and just so ashamed of myself. and so, i better get out of this darkness. time and again, i make that decision to turn back 180degrees, but i start getting distracted by the things on the right and left and slowly stray away again. blessings after blessings, i think its coming and im not prepared. saturday band prac, i was very ministered as we played "come holy spirit", tears choked and flowed and my hands were just shaking. everyone felt the annointing, but i guess we did not have enough stamina to maintain the presence beacuse our spiritual levels are not high enough.
definitely, i felt there was alot of pressure on me when it should be on sebb, or at least on both of us tgt. then i realised how prideful that was, that subconsciously, i've taken servanthood as leadership. to salvage alot of relationships, i need to be filled with love all over again. the fire is re-flaming, the strength is coming back, but on contary to 3 months ago, i've lost alot of that love in me. im doing things in faithfulness thats not filled with burning fire or love because im not praying and fellowshipping with him enough. im glad hols are here, its time to go back to that secret place with Him.
At a lost for many things, feels like "wisdom" i used to think i have is dissipating. health is going downslope. darkness that went away on saturday is coming back as i face criticisms from people dear to me. but in Him theres no darkness, in Him i'll walk in the light. its hols, its time to go back! :)
I have loved you with an everlasting love. jeremiah 13:3
when u are crushed in spirit, i am close to you. psalm 34:18
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you... Luke 15:11-32
