admist everything else, i was suddenly reminded of something aunty yap geok hwee said during the visitation just now.
the moment i appeared at her door, her face lit up with a huge smile, that smile that the elderlies aways have when they see maggie. though i went with a body exhausted and a spirit very down, that smile just made my day and everything else seemed to fade.
then i asked her about her roommates and asked her if they were her god-daughters, she said no. then she just smiled and say im her god-daughter and wanted to pat my head. at that moment, i knew i helped to make someone's life better and i knew i was bringing love to someone on this earth.
i guess many times in life, its such insignificant and short flashes that linger and prevail. just one genuine smile left me feeling right again, knowing in someone's life, i made a difference, i was needed.
visitation was good, i like doing it alone. chew seng chim jumped up with a great big smile when he heard my voice from his sleep, thinking i was his granddaughter. judging from the shocked yet elated reaction, obviously he hasnt seen her in ages. im contented to be a substitute, i really am. maybe if my life is filled to the brim by such instances, it's alright to lose myself.
"i have found the paradox in life- when you love till it hurts, there'll be no more hurt only more love." -mother teresa
