the past week has been significant.

okay so tuesday was convicted i had to go for leader's mtg, went and there while being prayed for, screamed and cried and all, but till the end, still not released. all they said: you gotta forgive yourself. so then that night after leaving, i felt even worse. weak and filled with dissapointment, grief, doubts, bitterness, sorrow. and so i sat at the ktv lounge to cry and tried delivering and coughing for 2 hours. dunno i had so much fluid within me, i think the 2 cats must have thought i was crazy. kept feeling the pukish feeling as i kept repeating the names of the people i forgive including myself and just telling him everything. and then , i felt better.

however the next morning, wednesday, i woke up feeling horrid because of bitterness again and this time it was dark. in the sense of black colour. it was 1 hour before cg, i decided, NO. i cannot lead praie and worship like that and i cannot go for cg like that. and so i decided, pray! so just kept speaking in tongues and repeated the people i forgive. and then, i felt much better and even released and spoke out about some of the bitterness after cg. so i thought i was released.

then came friday bible study all of us had a talk about demons and found out that satan has been harrassing w400. and so saturday, woke up feeling okay and brought my mum and ray to church. halfway through while talking about opening the doors of our hearts that have been closed up and now opening up to let Jesus come in,alot of people with demons started manifesting so there were screams and crying all around. i started to cry but just at this moment, my mum had to start cuddling me and telling me not to be crazy and then voom. the presence was gone. but immediately, went to pray for ray. tried hard and shouted and screamed, finally delivered her from the 2 little kid demons and when another SOT lady came, finally delivered her from spirit of torment. okay great, she was set free from lesbianism and every single hatred. she was free,cant even remember some of the past.my mum also went down for altar call. she felt presence, gonna fall but struggled cos she was afraid she might fall and die and never wake up again. so anyway, thought all was good. but once i left church, i felt angry and violent and bitter and sorrowful. i felt like hurting myself. alright again knew it was bad spirits within, went home, pray still the same.

sunday. woke up feeling bitter and unloved. went to church shame guilt and all. pulled kelly down for altar call with the hope both of us can get prayed for by pastor. but he left. now the classic:

debrief prayer with her and wyncy, she started crying. was convinced gotta cast out demons though i myself not feeling that great. so prayed for her she cried, and was totally sianed out. trust me, i think i shouted the whole expo down, probably the whole world heard me though there were many groups of people trying to do the same thing. ahhh finally, gave up. she said she felt abit released but after walking out of hall 8 both of us were just sianed out. like depressed souls roaming around. both of us rushed for jurong service and there, kelly started to cry again. so this time round prayed for her again and she said this time,she's released. so we went down to pray for the rest of w400. prayed for some of them. after that was convinced i gotta stop praying for people, i gotta be set free myself. so i went for altar call. 2 mongolian(i think) SOT students tried tgt with evelyn, felt like puking, but still, nothing. then, i decided to approach pastor's wife, she prayed for generation curse of witchraft and sorcery and divination. then after she left, the 2 SOT students continued to pray and try to make me puke, but to no avail. then came serena, she walked over and put her hand on my head and say: theres annointing. then she started praying, still, to no avail, okay, maybe a little. she just said try and forgive myself cos i told her i thought thats the problem. then we had to leave. then eileen walked over and wanted to give me a hug. when i hugged her, i gave a sigh and sudenly started crying again. dunno why. was still releasing my floodgate when security told us to leave :( so in actual fact, i left feeling half released and actually, with tears that felt like choking me. so then rushed down to bring my uncle, but he left cos i was late :( so kelly and i shopped and just walked around and watched a free comedy with gummies that we just bought, on the staircase. the show was about an indian man, 2 ah bengs and 1 old security guard swearing and threatening and kpo passerbys pointing here and there , "ya lor, cannot liddat la. aiyo". we had the perfect view from our steps looking down at them. i had a great time being an aunty and commenting and "aiyo"-ing here and there. then to my dismay, they dispersed without fighting..

dragged my feet to do visitation though tears were literally at the brimm. dunno how i manage to pray for people even. wanted to pierce my ear so as to inflict pain on myself in a more godly way, but decided. cannot. i must go to novena church. and so, i went and really just talked to God. but this time, i felt released especially when i started to forgive and release and really released the memory and emotions to him and released myself to Him also. then i started to sing, "i will run to you" and "my jesus my lord" and it was just rhema when i sang "clinging to the cross i'll follow you", "i will run the race till i see your face" and i kept repeating, "im not gonna give up im gonna carry on your cross. Jesus walk with me im not giving up". had to leave to meet shilong but i just proclaimed that i was set free and im released and thanked him in advance for letting me leave with his peace, love and joy. was feeling ALOT ALOT better, better than any other of the deliverance the whole week. then truly felt okay after trying to preach and singing worship songs for them. came home, all good, and got even better when started to pray for jacey. said she felt worse after leaving service so discipled, prayed and delivered and she felt set free. hallelujah!

sorry for the long post, meant to be summary but my fingers couldnt control themselves. but basically, what i learnt through this week is, emotions is the key to deliverance, at least for myself and the ones that happen around me. when hearts are healed,demons leave cos they got no more grief to feed on. then again, none of the people around me who got delivered screamed and all. maybe there are certain demons that are violent and do scream. or maybe emotions are emotions, demons are demons. LOL. anyway, i am released and not bitter with anyone anymore and it will will stay this way or get even better tmr morning. and i know through this, im up another evel in forgiveness and annointing. AMEN! :)

i forgive you! and i love you with the love of God! <3
proclaim it!

and i love my cell group!
and my family!
and my friends!
and myself!
im released, and im renewed!
im clinging on to His cross,
and running the race till i see Your face!


and, i am gonna be a source of hope, strength, love and joy to the people around me. in Jesus name i pray, Amen:)

jana 1:17 AM