yea. whos gonna be here in my life 10 years from now, 40 years from now.
whos gonna be there, whos gonna be my bridesmaid for my wedding?
where will i be 2 months from now?
Jesus is my Purpose, but i need other human beings to share this with me.
its just me.
too picky.
too weird.
too complex.
and yet i still like me.
i need your love o Lord.
and again. this line sounds so cliche.
its so me.
i say it all the time.
it becomes a habit,becomes a 感叹语
i know i want to serve the poorest of the poor.
but whos gonna be with me as iserve
other than the Spirit
whos gonna be here?
and again, im drifting further and further away from u
would u bring me back?
though i say this alll the time and again and again
i know i need You
i wanna be faithful in whatu've called me
and im sorry forthe times i wasnt
Lord im sorry
i love You
King
Crown
still my Everything.
27th april
我应该用中文写日记。说真的我也不清楚为啥该写日记。若有天父、圣灵、耶稣的陪伴， 我为什么还应该写日记呢？
记得当初， 应该是去年8月份， 和宇捷、lina那场big drama后， 曾经决定该写日记， 记下所有情感， 记下神对我的恩惠和圣灵的充满、帮助、关怀。
然而写了一阵子， 当心情获得耶稣的平静以后，就很自然的不再写了。 这是否意味着其实圣灵就是我的日记？
有了神的平安，就不会有痛彻心扉的事情。 没有如此能够留下深深烙印的回忆， 怎么会想到要写日记呢？
若说还是坚决要记下所有不论好坏的事件， 那应该用能够表达心境、有艺术感的笔记本亲手在一页一页纸面上刻下回忆吧？
然而童年的一次经历让我不敢再写用纸、笔写下日记， 让心绪（是否有这词？）被暴露。记得小时候， 应该是六年级吧。我竟然把记下了人生最丑陋、刻苦铭心的日记交在ah girl 姐姐手中。 请不要问我为啥那么笨。 我也不清楚。 好像是以为母亲常偷看日记， 觉得放在家中不安全， 因此不管到哪儿都带着它。厚利觉得还是留在别人手中来的安全，因此选择了ah girl 姐姐。她当时有点诧异地看着我， 我只是满心新张情绪却又兴奋地离去。后来才发现原来他也偷看了我的日记，还和另外一位阿姨分享了里头的秘密。现在这本日记总算日归原主， 虽然不记得是如何回到我身边的。 还记得有一次AHGIRL姐姐在和我分享他和一位特别的朋友，michelle (好像是吧) 的一些事情。 Michelle 将要离开新加坡移民澳洲。 虽然几个月前因家境遇难（应该有这样的词吧哈哈）已经决定离开， 然而还是瞒着ah girl 姐姐和其他好朋友，避免影响他们O水准考试。他在ah mah 房间把这事告诉了我， 让我绝对不能说出去。 然后因为不想让其他家人知道她的心事， 便让我到外面把准备送给这位朋友的礼物拿进来。然而， 我古怪的举动逃不过母亲的“慧眼”（不知是否用对词）， 她便跟着我进房里， 边假装整理窗帘边问ah girl 姐姐一些weather talk questions。 后来他逼近ah girl 姐姐， 最后ah girl 没法子， 只好说出心里话，让所有人， 包括他母亲， ah NG 和我母亲都知道了。之后， 他好像说了将不再信任我。Ok I gottta go now. Cya tmr diary!
--27th april
yea ask me why i wrote yesterdays post in mandarin. better practise before exam come.
i dont dare to reread it it looks stupid from here. lol.
not feeling that great as of now. i think inadequacy really hit me hard during new media practical test today.like how i just cant glorify God. and thats prob due to the fact i dont try my best at all.
dont feel like conversing or smiling.
not feeling angry or whatso ever, just cant be bothered with the world thats aound me
just.
i think just irritated?
not really either.
maybe fear. dunno how to smile after a failure when that failure dint really register much to anyone but myself.
yea.
INTP.
maybe i should stop thinking about such character things
a very sentence in the book "ennegramm" struck me
"learning about character personalities is not to lock urself up and feel secure, but to improve urself through knowing ur flaws" its in chinese so heres the translation. yupp it struck me.
im supposed to drammactic, protector the nobserver. but observers traits really struck me as ME. i dunno la.
i ned to glorify Him, be loving, caring.
but its just not in me la.
im gona go off now.
bye.
