i was listening to my playlist on friendster, when it came to "cradle". i havent heard it in months.
i was abruptly magnetised to (if theres such a phrase)the start of the song and i was wondering what song it was that gave me such a piercing feeling till the first words were sung. thats when piercing started to change to hurt, still whirling with that undescribable emotion thats always present before a defined emotion. u know the kind thats always there before joy or love or sadness or anger. its like building up a wall or a surging rush of water. eveything i just typed is LITERAL, those are the best words i can use to describe.
perhaps the piercing part is the special emotion attatched to the song and it only turns to hurt when i realise its our song, thats if u can even call it ours. perhaps the hurt is psychological, its just that the song is already attatched in my heart's emotion chamber and i decide to label it as hurt.
there was really alot of lessons learnt. he took all the faith and trust away, he stamped the probational report titled "men are jerks". i'll never love another like the way i did to him (thats if that is love), and its probably because the next time round i wouldnt give my heart anymore, and i'll be prepared if something like this happens again. somehow it seems that special feeling wont happen again, nobody else can find it back for me, not even him. it was then and there in that space in time with that self-impressionalised yan naung.was inspired to look thru my blog after reading rebecca's ex's blog, and re-read the above post. and i realised yujie has read that post before too. and currently as im typing, i realise my english standard has deproved horible, not that it was ever good.
andyway, yea. yujie has read tht post before. he turned out to be the next person that i promised never to love. i already stamped the probational report, why the hell did i forget that. damn.
anw, went for kelly's cg. after service that day, she asked what my mountain was.it was the irst time i relaised i wa resentful not just towards w400 and him, but i couldnt let go of CK Zone or w400 or the hostel, and mostimportantly, i actually felt resentment towards pastor chee kiang. it is a surprise. but i'l let go. thats my only choice you see. anw bye. dsmn tired.
