I'm prepared.
I will still fulfill my rituals, I will feel nothing toward no one, do it Your way. Whatever You say I accept. I know, I understand, I have no right to say anything.
I might not feel good at all but I will still raise my hands, I will still sing, I will still say my amens and take care of Your very precious ppl, wherever, whoever. Whatever You want.
Devotion? This is all that I know. Take it all then. Or raise the floods. Testing me or not, I know my duties. Proving it to You or not, I will still walk the walk. Even without love, Truth is Truth, so, whatever You want very mighty God.
I don't even want the straw hut, put me in Your outer court or even further than that. Whatever You want. Ok. I'm already still walking with almost all I have. I know, You are never at fault, Your law is never imperfect, I understand, I am walking alr. Maybe You just want me to sit, rest, eat. God, why was I ever tired? If You had walked with me in my own personal life, will I be in this state? I'm willing to serve outside, why am I not here? Issit tired? You know better than me why.
You know better than me how I've never hid my hand or looked away from a bleeding heart. With or without shepherd, did I not breakthru for You? Did I not shield them? Now that I'm here, with or without recognition, with or without titles, have I not still cared and reached out my hand.
You know full well how I've walked and loved with or without shepherd, support, recognition, titles. u know full well.
And I know too I've not given anypart of my Precious yet. I have no right to speak. Even when that is touched, if You really choose to, You are still God and I will still walk.
What am I asking for? Actually I'm not sure either. Do I really want to ask for anything? I don't think so. Its better to stay on a plain than hop on Your roller coaster rides which have always ended crushed and smashed.
Whatever You want, do, take. Take it all, take, test, crush. I know Truth and I won't turn away. I might not taste goodness but I won't let it go, and its no longer for You. Fine I might be selfish, and I don't care either, let me be selfish this once. How else can I be, what have I not withheld from Your command or Your so automatic hand?
If it bothers You, fine I know where not to step into. If You have found better ones, fine take, block my paths. Make sure You make it clear for everyone too, save me (what a kindness from You) from further up and downhill rides and leave me alone. I thank You very much in all sincerity.
Goodbye.
If I end up praying later, I suspect it will be another 10min of silence and anger. But the cycle begins again. Tragedy, Faith?
