can i live life without You?
theres 60 more years to go. i could choose to just sail thru them and be a mediocre person. be a sales assistant somewhere. even be a nonchalent social worker who makes no difference. whatever else there is that require no heart and brain.
i dont even know whats up with me, thats the thing. what can i ask from You? What, how to even pray about things when idont believe praying to You makes a diff. either that or for You to do something requires me to beg, kill myself, or try even harder.
Grace? these are theories God. who are You?
the thing is, im not even sure of what im saying, what i need, what i want. tosit in Your Presence just opens up the wounds and i fee even angrier at You, at everything. man, i really dont know whatsap, whats next.
maybe i need a counsellor, a christian one. but not just that, imean seriously, im pretty sure i need someone from chc. but who can i go to. will it make a difference?
tired, hopeless. i dont feel like doing anything.
perhaps ive been like that all my life, having known You might not have made a diff i guess. dunno la.
may You be happy and blessed by the faithful and passionate children by Your side. or i should say of whom You are on the side with.
bye God.
